As a Vocal Survivor of child abuse, I felt inclined to share something that has been on my heart in regards to healing and speaking life over myself. First, healing from the trauma of my childhood has come with waves of emotions. I have high periods where I feel healed and unbothered by my memories, and then I have periods where my memories flare up and are more challenging to deal with. All of these waves, in my opinion, are normal. I have to remind myself that there is no expectation to heal at a specific pace, and I know that God is with me through my healing, which brings me peace.
Positive self-talk is the part of my healing I have been struggling with recently. As a child, it was ingrained into my head (by my dad) that "no one loved me." My dad's voice became an anthem in my head. For instance, when I was in school, if I was taking a test in a deathly quiet room, I could hear my dad's words echoing in my head. If a friendship dwindled, the first thought in my head was, "No one cares about me." If I felt like I failed at something, there were those dreaded words, "No one cares about me." I have struggled with this for so long that I have caught myself whispering the phrase aloud. By speaking it, I gave this voice life and more power over me, causing my inner negative voice to echo through the sound waves of my day. Now, the thought was turning into my identity. It affected how I saw myself, interacted with others, and pursued God's plan for my life. When I fall into bad habits, I have to turn to God. Here is what I have learned over this past month about speaking life over myself instead of repeating abusive words.
First, in Exodus 3:13-14 this is just after Moses saw the burning bush, and God is instructing him to return to Pharaoh. "But Moses protested, 'If I go to the people of Israel and tell them,' The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,' they will ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what should I tell them? God replied to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM."
God = I AM
This revelation has helped me change how I view and talk about myself, and here is why. I often say things like, "I am *insert negativity. This verse reminded me that my God (who never changes) told Moses that His name is I AM.... so when I say "I AM" I am now using God's name to talk about myself. I am a child of God; therefore, the God (I AM) who spoke to Moses is the same God who lives in me through His Holy Spirit, and how could I ever say something negative about my Savior? "I Am" is God; anything following the words "I am" should reflect peace, goodness, and life.
Let me give you guys one more verse because this is too good! "Jesus told him, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me." John 14:6
So, instead of saying the negative thought over myself, I am now trying to retrain myself to let that thought go and replace it with these statements:
I am a Child of the ONE TRUE KING.
I am LOVED BY JESUS.
I am a PRINCESS.
I am wonderfully made by The KING OF KINGS.
Seriously, try it. Let that negative thought dwindle and never become a powerful spoken word.
Second, last week, a few of my friends reminded me that my words are powerful! Genesis 1:3, 1:6, 1:9, 1:14, 1:20 All these verses are about God creating the world, and He did it through speaking. "Then God said...." Once again, as a follower of Jesus, I know that the power of God lives inside me through the Holy Spirit. I also know that God is unchanging. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. God's words are powerful! That same power, through my faith in Jesus, lives in me. Therefore, my words are also powerful. Matthew 17:20: " I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." By faith, I can simply speak, and mountains can be moved. I can talk; through faith, someone could be healed, or captives would be set free. For my salvation came by declaring with my mouth that Jesus is the Son of God. (John 3:16) There is power behind the words I speak! James 3 talks about the importance of controlling our tongue. "Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God." James 3:9
Speak kindness over yourself and others!
Lastly, understanding that the enemy came to steal, kill, and destroy. He will use any tactic to steal away my peace and joy in an attempt to prevent me from completing the missions that Jesus gave me to do. My memories have been the source of a lot of pain, but they are in the past. Remembering them at times is an essential part of my healing journey, but to stay fixated on them is a distraction from the beautiful future God has for my life. God will and has turned my pain into good! I will continue to praise Him even through storms and keep moving forward, not backward. I will enjoy the transformation I receive from enduring the storm, knowing God has a plan!
